(Mis)Adventures in Fatherhood
Shout out to all the parents with more than one child. You can have that ish. I have a 10 month old and she is undefeated. Our good days are when she is being a benevolent tyrant by smiling and showing her newly minted teeth and melts our hearts. But on our good days she’s just a tyrant crawling with the speed of a super powered mutant, pulling herself up on things and then falling and trying to put everything imaginable in her mouth (Where did you find that random piece paper?). It’s amazing once you have a child all of sudden people who have never expressed interest in children want to know what it’s like.
It’s hard. It’s hard work making something so prreeeetttttttyyyy look so tired. (Shout out to Billy Hoyle)
And then you have the veteran parents; you know the one who have been parenting since the early 90’s with smart-ass comments, which are so annoying.
‘She’s not eating solid foods yet? My baby was eating collard greens at 6 months”
“Well that’s why your child is 16 months with diabetes”
“My child slept through the night at 3 months”
“Well mine didn’t shut the hell up before I smack you with a pee diaper”
I am still pretty awkward with this whole how to talk to parent’s thing. When they compliment MiMo, why should I say thank you? They aren’t complimenting me. I’m just happy she’s still alive at 10 months. But it is pretty awesome that she is one of the most beautiful babies on the planet. Yes, I’m biased. But for real she is.
Please don’t let your baby get sick. Everyone becomes an M.D. or a Witchdoctor with these weird home remedies. They all have the same disclaimer “It worked on my kids” or “That’s what my parents did and I turned out ok”. People used to rub sticks together to make fire but I’ll use a lighter, thank you. So I smile and accept your foolish advice like I’m stupid enough to actually do it. It’s not that some advice isn’t good or has worked it’s just that most are eh.
I have come to the conclusion that any parent who were blessed enough to conceive ‘normally’ are way more reckless with their children than any who had problems conceiving. Some of the chances I’ve heard some parents take I couldn’t imagine. But that’s just me – I’m also the same guy who was
extremely paranoid about SIDS.
There is just so much judgment on other parents its become almost a comedy if we weren’t talking about how people were raising the next generation of leaders and dredges on society. They judge you like I judge people who still wear fake Jordans. (Guys, stop wearing bootleg shoes – you’re fooling no one). I still get the funny look when I drop MiMo off at day care. It’s like “OMG a black father, I thought they were like unicorns.” I normally hit them with the Cam’ron look and think “ Yeah MF – now say something, please”.Parenting is a trip but being a father is the craziest thing on earth. Being a father of a daughter is just something completely out of this world. MiMo looks at me and says “DaDa” and I turn into puddle of goo (think the black version of Slimer – aka Blimer). This is the greatest adventure in my life but this sick baby ish she can have that. I miss my sleep. I have realized that I may have todo something strange for 8 hours of interrupted sleep. But hey, it’s what I signed up for (I think).